Sour Balls

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
-- Cato the Elder

Employee Recognition day. Frustrated 'cause got none.
I think the object of the game is to flaunt and thicken your broth, all cosmetic, and frankly, pathetic. Der Supervisor got the award..no, really I'm happy...not that because she got it, but because she credited us for it, and that makes a mighty big difference.
Today, out of the multitudes of bogus awardees, before me stands a decent one.
Der Supervisor deserves our love....p.s. my grapes aint that bloody sour 'eh?

The Mocking Past

Tis the time when Principles become the root of suffering,
a time when Idealism is stained with the politics of needs.
It is now that Religion, again is used for destroying.
Murder, devastation and hatred, believed to be noble deeds.

It is this time that we regress to the old verse,
when justice becomes again, "An eye for an Eye".
Whilst the morals of man is in full reverse,
all the grandeur of our advances are but a sigh.

With our puny claims as the greatest of all generations,
dear History had just been repeated.
The kings and gods of time forgotten laughs at our dellusions,
for we have never really left off from where we started.

Made by Two

They were dysfunctional.
They werent together, but they were always there.
I dont really know Ginko enough , but she tried.
Nick is funny and we have common friends and buddies.
I became like them in some ways...I tried to pick only the good stuff.
Despite a disability, I was not cradled with compassion...
They held back, knowing well that helping me will only render me brittle in life.
That, I say to the world is Love. To the two, a good person i became because of you.

i'm-mature

When will I learn. Im getting that “tied up” feeling again - with a perfectly fine relationship. I just miss being alone now. I miss being able to paint with just music to accompany me. I miss eating by the PC, I miss going out shopping and getting completely mindless about the time, I miss dancing like stoopid and laughin at how silly I look, I miss staying in the library halls just jumping around one topic to another for as long as I can endure, driving around the island lookin for someplace to explore…and , getting lost..and scaring myself silly..awouuu~~

But back then when I was alone, I was in the opposite mindset, often lost in thoughts on how great it would be to have somebody to share my thoughts, my intimate details, someone who’ll help me see things in a different light, .... Thats what the 80s can do to you.

Is there such thing as a perfect relationship? Soul mate-shmould-mate? Is it always a compromise…does it have to be? Is it plainly simple to see that single-hood is just the perfect state if you are on the free-spirited side of life? What’s so great about marriage anyway? I need enlightenment. I need a vacation… Or I just need to grow up.

My space, my freedom. Is it because of the Gemini thingy???... do you know its pronounced as je-mee-knee.. gemini cricket..gemini snicket

Somethin's burnin'

We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.-- Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.

I know I have to do it, Its either I dont want to do it or Im too lazy to do it. Either way, I will force myself to rid of haunting pasts, the one that got away, the one that made a terrible mess, the investor who stole my money, her smile..i'd wish Faith would stop haunting me, the things I could have done, the things I have done..that I wish I have not, and all the could haves and the should haves.

Burn bridges to make new ones...I must let go and start anew , I have reinvented myself a million times, I was a geek teen turned punk-turned geek again-turned-anarchist-turned-pious-turned smart-ass banker-turned-merchant-turned-academic-turned web merchant. Now, im just a plain office geek. I am in perfect order right now, well oiled, but somehow I feel chaos is gonna be bangin at my door screaming "Its due!!" ...not that I wanted it to come nor I am subconsciously attracting it, but sometimes I think a little chaos can put things back in a much interesting order - oh what irony.... burning bridges, burning bridges ...and its fallin' down, fallin' down.

This mortal Coil. 

The Legend of 2004

The year came in quickly and left just the same. I have a serious problem with time, I see it as just one continuous event, divided into 3 parts: a moment ago, now and the next credit card bill. I would never remember dates but im keen on remembering the details of an event. I used to photograph a collage of all the things that represent the year that was... I would put together things i wear daily (watches, silvers, etc, except undies dummy) things i cant live without, things i love and bought from that year.. it was a very nice and effective way to remember that year for me... now if only I can remember wher I placed those pics.

This year I screwed up in the office big time. I sent a supposed to be anonymous email to the CEO... how big is he? "Asst Chief of Staff" is the first few words on his job title... I expressed my distress blatantly, telling him the system sucks, Management is soo incompetent and I told him to talk with the staff and front people to know the reality of things. It was anonymous but it still was a very professional Jerry Mcguire stint. But as stooopid as I was, the email return address showed my name. Boy was I caught red handed, my boss, who is two levels below the CEO called me in, read the email verbatim on my face... gaspp!!~ wheeeze~~chest tightening~ I was teary eyed and braced for the worse. Well, I did not defend my case and regretted all the stuff i said... I was not fired. I whined, but I also offered solutions, I guess that made the difference.

This year I got my Jap driver's license. It was a real pain. I failed on the first driving test, well, everybody else does. It was Japanese culture at work, precision. I failed because I did not turn my winker on within 30 metres upon approaching a turn... I did it in maybe 12 meters..thats like the length of two cars. Its good at least I nabbed it on the second try. Most foreigners who were taking the test were on their 6th to 9th take. Its still way better compared to the locals who were mandated to attend and finish a 4k worth of driving school. Damn thats 4000 buckos and they still are just student drivers after that. They are being robbed blind, I got my Phil license for $10 , lunch included.

Bush got re-elected..you want wood??, boy that cracked me up and made me like him a bit. His strength of conviction is unparalleled, it makes him. Arafat died, I dont know exactly what it has to do with me, but hes cool too. Che Guevara is not a brand...but everyones got em printed everywhere, Andy Warhol's principle is making sense to me now. Ipod got cheaper, thanks Steve, now youre not as greedy as I thought. Starbucks is everywhere, used to be cool to hang out there, not anymore, when you see families holed in those small tables and chairs you start to wonder... are they selling fries soon? Gadgets keep updating..fast!. My camera was top of the line 8 months ago, now its on sale at half the price...which makes me want to get the latest ones...they've got me!! gakkk!! Im a certified gullible consumer!!

2004 is gone, it doesnt make much difference to me. I started my New Year when I learned how to think, and in my world, New Year's Eve wil be when I close my eyes and never open them again.

Necessity invented me

I wish I can enjoy pandesal in the morning... led to a baking mischief. I made bread..... a handful of flour, a whip of butter, egg, condensed milk, gotta have baking soda, yeast..a little of it. I have no freakin idea what these powders do but since im as proud as a hippogriff, and as hungry as a starved goldfish, I made bread.

I kept telling myself, if the ancient Greeks can make it, if nan bread looks so simple as a bloated blob of thing, Jesus probably even knew how to make bread - he was the first worldwide advertisement for it.... then I believe i can make it. Its gotta be somewhere in my genes.

First things first. Mix em. Mix and bake, 2 steps, no biggie. Except for the eggshells, everything blended in well, it looks so much like the ones i see on TV. I was happy rollin and flattenin. Now i gotta use some grey matters here.. its gotta prevent itself from stickin to the pan... duh!! The dough was formed into what i believed is the right thickness, laid on the oven, and set the fire to "insane" degrees fahrenheit. I have no time for slow cookin excuses.

The first set went out incredibly fine. Ok it didnt, after like 4 minutes, it was turnin golden brown... cool, that was fast. Took it out and let it cool. I felt kinda hard, typo, I meant "it" felt hard..the bread...so i decided to add water on the dough... which i think it didnt like coz it went nasty soggy. Whatever form it was it went in the toaster this time.. duh! oven sucks, Ogg use toaster this time.

Ding!, the toaster rang, Ogg the infamous caveman went to the micro volcano cooker and fetch his invention, it was an odd shape, it was as dead as a nail and its pippin hot. Fresh brewed Amoretto coffee, sunny eggs, fresh veggies and the main entre~ .... cardboard cookies.

They turned out into cookies from hell. Well, add butter, dunk into jelly, hold coffee, bite and chew..refrain from spitting it out, swallow and gulp coffee and it actually went fine. Next time Ill try to make cookies, it might turn into bread. Ogg learneth to use recipe and patience hereafter.

Segunda

Sinundan kaagad. Ganda ng titulo ng page ko, pintor na pintor. simulan ang Segunda ng New Years resolution...walang kamatatayang resolusyon.

1. Kailangang bawasan ang carbs, more meat?? en mag eksersays... mashiki na talaga ang butonesan ng mga pantalon.
2. Mag ipon bago mag plano. mas madaling isipin kung ano dapat bilhin kung me pera ka na...and you tend to be damn stingy when you have enough... ayronik somehow.
3. Keep up with the No-smoking campaign. Kalahating taon na, pink na lungs na ulet.
4. Mag aral mabuti...., tanda mo na nag aaral ka pa ren, wenoh!!!
5.Will not steal nor buy pirated music. sabi nga ni Michael, " if yu wana make dis world a better place, take alook at yourself then make that change...nananaaaa~ nananaaaa~"
6. Stop buyin those damn earhones! pang 4 na pares na to, gotta be satisfied... nothing is perfect...arrrghh!!! ok, last pair... pramis. Lesson: buy expensive once, so u dont have to buy over en over again.
7. Eye care, darn it, my eye sight went twice as bad. Gotta learn to blink blink then stare far away once every few mins.
10. Once en for all. Give up the old flame. You loved her and thats ALL there is to it now... she better stop gettin into my dreams dern it.
11. Let go of the past. Throw em things that you need not hold on to. Stop wearing, listening to those 80s stuff... for pete's sake that was 20 years ago!!!
12. Live more, with passion, with truth, with honesty...this is starting to sound like that "Life's Little Instruction Book".

At marami pang iba... pero eto muna.